dim lights: notes.
Apr. 3rd, 2021 03:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girasolesthere are many thoughts that were thonked during this one.
similarly to pacrim, it was a challenge in the sense of first time writing something like this! (like this: falling in like/love quickly, sex). i've wanted to write something with them as fwb or similar since i listened to numcha's kryptonite some time during august / september last year, but i kept telling myself that i couldn't do it because "how am i going to write an e-rated scene?" then tender spot happened and it's all downhill from there.
this one started as a simple "childhood friends take care of vmon's apt" (that was the first draft idea) then it changed into "beomgyu finds his childhood friend after many years and they reconnect as he reflects on their past as well" and while writing it changed into "they have sex and figure out what they want after" (?) i can't really explain how this happened? and the themes switched as well, from "they've known each other for all of their lives and fall in love with the domesticity of it all" to "in the end they chose each other & thats what matters". i can't pinpoint exactly when it changed to a choice/fate - relationships of convenience/conciously chosen ones but i can tell you that i had a mini crisis while writing this because i could not remember WHY i liked my friends back when i was between the ages of 6 -14. would i still like them today? would i try talking to them? (probably!) and that's how it became... that. okay.
>> general notes:
> cbg romanticism vs csb cherry picking soulmates. assigning meaning to things & sb's "not giving meaning to meaningles things."
> as always all the locations are real & the distances are semi-accurate (ex; it really is 1 hr and like 12 mins from godeok-dong to kyunghee uni. couldnt check google maps for a building to base vmon's apt complex on BUT! something like it must exist. i hope.)
> following this thought: all fruits mentioned are seasonal! if they're not, it's on purpose. wink wink "they'll stay together" wink wink. no one is going to notice or care about this but me and thats ok!
> while writing this i also remembered how soogyu have the "ideal compatibility" in mbti which reminded me of the conversation i had with emara about mbti being your most comfortable choice / what you're most comfortable with in any given situation; which made me go => what happens when this changes? what happens when comfort is not the only thing holding you together? etc. soulmates of convenience easily broken apart by circumstances, etc.
> the e rated scenes were supposed be: first time, feelings have developed, feelings are cemented with the last one being the most detailed one in things that arent really relevant to the sex itself because by this point bg likes him enough to notice them. i'm a romantic + i am very sorry
> the title: i was struggling a little in the midde of it because i found this poem by jay harjo called FALL SONG (!!!!) and i was like bro this is perfect? but dim lights was always the working title & i think it works better - because while the seeds of their relationship were planted back in their childhood, they stopped growing after sb moved away, so it died. so if dim lights = autumn, summoned = them to each other, resurrected = their relationship. death is rebirth etc etc. maybe i AM overthinking things. now it's the epigraph of the fic (it was that exact same line, too).
> i am obsessed with the passage of time now? seasons! romanticize autumn!!!
> had to insinuate that they'll get married eventually i am so sorry for being this way. but actually .
> the confession letter really wasnt from subin. it was just cbg really connecting dots that weren't supposed to be connected and being like "is this fate?" but this was important so i could establish his point of view of their relationship more clearly to me / readers (i think its pretty clear sincethe vignette of 'he plays with the idea of fate' but a reminder is always good when it comes to these things & the lenght of it, i think)
> confession scene: it was important too that sb told him "this wasnt always how i felt about you. it is now." in order to also let the reader know that a. he didn't write the letter b. not destiny
> what i'm saying, to some degree, is that relationships always have some point of convenience to them (be it emotional/physical/the simple easiness of it all) but what matters is that you make time for each other outside that place of comfort / want to know / create spaces / take care of them outside your shared interests & share more with them about your own life. n_n at least that's what i think.
> i don't remember exactly why i picked bells as the few 'major things scattered through the story' but it's a big reference to kimi no nawa & the bell sounds whenever mitsuha and taki crossed each other. its a common theory that the bell doesn't ring when they reunite as adults because they're no longer tied by fate / spiritually but they're still meant to be (#romanticism...), which is why there are no bells in confession scene but in previous one [apartment with tyunning] there is a mention of windchimes.
> finally used the stupid soogyu sum!!!! #ACCOMPLISHMENT (both their birthdays summed equal the same number, 2017. i could've used 4034 but the coincidence of it all makes me feel like <3 <3 the THEME <3 <3 i am so fucking sorry for being insane)
> general canon refs: beomgyu growing out of moodmakersona & being his nostalgic ass self / picky eater / good relationship with dad / closer to kai than to taehyun these days / subin sick part was extrapolated from this.
> i thought "they should go grocery shopping to a chain store, no?" turns out those are more expensive so they just go to a korean grocer. do you ever hate overthinking <3
> i'm kind of... nervous? about reception because i feel like this isnt nsfw enough for people who READ nsfw and it's not 'fluffy' enough for people who usually hang out @ the txt tag to read. idk. this is very new to me? i don't know. it IS what i wanted to write to certain extent, but i am still [reeling a lot]
>> writing process
> SLOW... TORTUROUS... when do i not write something slowly.
> the constant use of before / after / later. nostalgia / reminiscence / how things are now & the use of 'fall' as to really hammer the importance of the Season.
> i think this was about 70% done by the end of february but i get stuck on details so easily / i am generally really disatisfied with the way i word things in the first place that i start nitpicking & editing everything at the same time instead of fully finishing the story and then do that. i want to grow out of this, but i think if i tried i would never finish anything T____T
> according to data (tm) first doc was created on feb13 so it's a little more than a month with this. i am #miserable honestly, i want to write fast... i really do. TT TT TT
> favorite lines / favorite scenes. i honestly like too many >___< now that i am reading again & picking. this is sort of embarassing? what do you mean i like this??????? [because i am pandering to myself, that could be why] i tried to be brief. but these are some favorites. and here are some more. and one more. god this is so embarassing.
> i made this stupid excel sheet where i planned the events but realized they didnt flow very well like that & changed a few things up n__n really like the first dinner & sex w fwb into happy anniversary text to established couple to beomgyu alone.
> i think, out of every fic, i've deleted more scenes from this one than of anything i've previously written. not sure as to why? (kidding, very sure as to why. most of my dialogue originates as humor and then i realize it's not cohesive with the rest of the story or atmosphere so i scrap it off, re-write into something with the same essence but completely different mood. ex: this was og beomgyu going home vignette, not fully written, vs the published one. humor....)
> i have a non-existent attention span therefore my editing folder for this particular doc looked like this. (added 'FINAL DOC' in the 'revision' folder to just put everything together. every day i hate myself more, but it truly is whatever at this point.) bonus: refs are either cities / food / assorted kr things to keep separated in case my wifi dies down anytime. tfw ur venezuelan . anyway.
> things in 3s: cookies drop / tangerines fall / beomgyu almost falls (but subin's got him) - locket for gf as a wedding ring / locket for csb from birthday / locket for bg. Marriage Insinuations...
> every agenda: jinkook, vmon, tyunning, soogyu being blue orangeade (the cups, the season), subin weak in every day aspects (water bottle opening) but strong in others (fucks beomgyu against a window), taehyung beomgyu parallelism, vmon soogyu parallelism, yeonjun noona, traveling, nostalgia, introspection, all those things i LIKE. why do i cater to myself.... (because no one else will!!!)
> i dont think the trinibingo applies too much, but the wheel captures it perfectly... Ok Then. sometimes you just write 3-4 things and mesh them together to trick yourself into thinking 'im writing something NEW!' thats ok.
> that's about it? honestly i don't want to write longfic anymore ;___; i'm tired of this. but i guess [mimi voice] sometimes you are a slave to your agenda
thank you for reading!
similarly to pacrim, it was a challenge in the sense of first time writing something like this! (like this: falling in like/love quickly, sex). i've wanted to write something with them as fwb or similar since i listened to numcha's kryptonite some time during august / september last year, but i kept telling myself that i couldn't do it because "how am i going to write an e-rated scene?" then tender spot happened and it's all downhill from there.
this one started as a simple "childhood friends take care of vmon's apt" (that was the first draft idea) then it changed into "beomgyu finds his childhood friend after many years and they reconnect as he reflects on their past as well" and while writing it changed into "they have sex and figure out what they want after" (?) i can't really explain how this happened? and the themes switched as well, from "they've known each other for all of their lives and fall in love with the domesticity of it all" to "in the end they chose each other & thats what matters". i can't pinpoint exactly when it changed to a choice/fate - relationships of convenience/conciously chosen ones but i can tell you that i had a mini crisis while writing this because i could not remember WHY i liked my friends back when i was between the ages of 6 -14. would i still like them today? would i try talking to them? (probably!) and that's how it became... that. okay.
>> general notes:
> cbg romanticism vs csb cherry picking soulmates. assigning meaning to things & sb's "not giving meaning to meaningles things."
> as always all the locations are real & the distances are semi-accurate (ex; it really is 1 hr and like 12 mins from godeok-dong to kyunghee uni. couldnt check google maps for a building to base vmon's apt complex on BUT! something like it must exist. i hope.)
> following this thought: all fruits mentioned are seasonal! if they're not, it's on purpose. wink wink "they'll stay together" wink wink. no one is going to notice or care about this but me and thats ok!
> while writing this i also remembered how soogyu have the "ideal compatibility" in mbti which reminded me of the conversation i had with emara about mbti being your most comfortable choice / what you're most comfortable with in any given situation; which made me go => what happens when this changes? what happens when comfort is not the only thing holding you together? etc. soulmates of convenience easily broken apart by circumstances, etc.
> the e rated scenes were supposed be: first time, feelings have developed, feelings are cemented with the last one being the most detailed one in things that arent really relevant to the sex itself because by this point bg likes him enough to notice them. i'm a romantic + i am very sorry
> the title: i was struggling a little in the midde of it because i found this poem by jay harjo called FALL SONG (!!!!) and i was like bro this is perfect? but dim lights was always the working title & i think it works better - because while the seeds of their relationship were planted back in their childhood, they stopped growing after sb moved away, so it died. so if dim lights = autumn, summoned = them to each other, resurrected = their relationship. death is rebirth etc etc. maybe i AM overthinking things. now it's the epigraph of the fic (it was that exact same line, too).
> i am obsessed with the passage of time now? seasons! romanticize autumn!!!
> had to insinuate that they'll get married eventually i am so sorry for being this way. but actually .
> the confession letter really wasnt from subin. it was just cbg really connecting dots that weren't supposed to be connected and being like "is this fate?" but this was important so i could establish his point of view of their relationship more clearly to me / readers (i think its pretty clear sincethe vignette of 'he plays with the idea of fate' but a reminder is always good when it comes to these things & the lenght of it, i think)
> confession scene: it was important too that sb told him "this wasnt always how i felt about you. it is now." in order to also let the reader know that a. he didn't write the letter b. not destiny
> what i'm saying, to some degree, is that relationships always have some point of convenience to them (be it emotional/physical/the simple easiness of it all) but what matters is that you make time for each other outside that place of comfort / want to know / create spaces / take care of them outside your shared interests & share more with them about your own life. n_n at least that's what i think.
> i don't remember exactly why i picked bells as the few 'major things scattered through the story' but it's a big reference to kimi no nawa & the bell sounds whenever mitsuha and taki crossed each other. its a common theory that the bell doesn't ring when they reunite as adults because they're no longer tied by fate / spiritually but they're still meant to be (#romanticism...), which is why there are no bells in confession scene but in previous one [apartment with tyunning] there is a mention of windchimes.
> finally used the stupid soogyu sum!!!! #ACCOMPLISHMENT (both their birthdays summed equal the same number, 2017. i could've used 4034 but the coincidence of it all makes me feel like <3 <3 the THEME <3 <3 i am so fucking sorry for being insane)
> general canon refs: beomgyu growing out of moodmakersona & being his nostalgic ass self / picky eater / good relationship with dad / closer to kai than to taehyun these days / subin sick part was extrapolated from this.
> i thought "they should go grocery shopping to a chain store, no?" turns out those are more expensive so they just go to a korean grocer. do you ever hate overthinking <3
> i'm kind of... nervous? about reception because i feel like this isnt nsfw enough for people who READ nsfw and it's not 'fluffy' enough for people who usually hang out @ the txt tag to read. idk. this is very new to me? i don't know. it IS what i wanted to write to certain extent, but i am still [reeling a lot]
>> writing process
> SLOW... TORTUROUS... when do i not write something slowly.
> the constant use of before / after / later. nostalgia / reminiscence / how things are now & the use of 'fall' as to really hammer the importance of the Season.
> i think this was about 70% done by the end of february but i get stuck on details so easily / i am generally really disatisfied with the way i word things in the first place that i start nitpicking & editing everything at the same time instead of fully finishing the story and then do that. i want to grow out of this, but i think if i tried i would never finish anything T____T
> according to data (tm) first doc was created on feb13 so it's a little more than a month with this. i am #miserable honestly, i want to write fast... i really do. TT TT TT
> favorite lines / favorite scenes. i honestly like too many >___< now that i am reading again & picking. this is sort of embarassing? what do you mean i like this??????? [because i am pandering to myself, that could be why] i tried to be brief. but these are some favorites. and here are some more. and one more. god this is so embarassing.
> i made this stupid excel sheet where i planned the events but realized they didnt flow very well like that & changed a few things up n__n really like the first dinner & sex w fwb into happy anniversary text to established couple to beomgyu alone.
> i think, out of every fic, i've deleted more scenes from this one than of anything i've previously written. not sure as to why? (kidding, very sure as to why. most of my dialogue originates as humor and then i realize it's not cohesive with the rest of the story or atmosphere so i scrap it off, re-write into something with the same essence but completely different mood. ex: this was og beomgyu going home vignette, not fully written, vs the published one. humor....)
> i have a non-existent attention span therefore my editing folder for this particular doc looked like this. (added 'FINAL DOC' in the 'revision' folder to just put everything together. every day i hate myself more, but it truly is whatever at this point.) bonus: refs are either cities / food / assorted kr things to keep separated in case my wifi dies down anytime. tfw ur venezuelan . anyway.
> things in 3s: cookies drop / tangerines fall / beomgyu almost falls (but subin's got him) - locket for gf as a wedding ring / locket for csb from birthday / locket for bg. Marriage Insinuations...
> every agenda: jinkook, vmon, tyunning, soogyu being blue orangeade (the cups, the season), subin weak in every day aspects (water bottle opening) but strong in others (fucks beomgyu against a window), taehyung beomgyu parallelism, vmon soogyu parallelism, yeonjun noona, traveling, nostalgia, introspection, all those things i LIKE. why do i cater to myself.... (because no one else will!!!)
> i dont think the trinibingo applies too much, but the wheel captures it perfectly... Ok Then. sometimes you just write 3-4 things and mesh them together to trick yourself into thinking 'im writing something NEW!' thats ok.
> that's about it? honestly i don't want to write longfic anymore ;___; i'm tired of this. but i guess [mimi voice] sometimes you are a slave to your agenda
thank you for reading!
